Is, I think, an apt description of the 2019 Conservative Manifesto.
Even the IFS considers the manifesto to be devoid of anything of great consequence – indeed the £2billion pothole fund maybe its star spending plan and would have been completely unneccesary if the Tories had actually funded local authorities properly. They seem belatedly to have discovered that rich people drive, horror or horrors, on the same roads as poor people . Now they can give central billing to solving an avoidable problem which they caused in the first place.
Then they are going to ensure there will be 6,000 more doctors in GP surgeries and 6,000 more primary care staff such as physiotherapists and pharmacists. Quite where these people have been hiding for the last nine years is unclear but to find them is a firm intention.
Then there are the twenty thousand policemen to replace the 21 thousand that the tories have mislaid thus far and fifty thousand nurses, who include according to even the BBC, fifteen thousand who will miraculously be persuaded not to leave, while the rest seem to be coming from the Magic Nurse Tree. Still, at least they’ll get free parking on the night shift.
This free parking they will share, it appears, with families of the terminally ill. How’s that going to work? When you get the photograph of your registration number together with your £100 invoice, dressed up as a fine, I imagine you will have to send an interim payment with details of your relative who is at death’s door and in what respect they are terminally ill. Yet, life is terminal so surely we should all get a chance at free parking?
Probably the sorting out should be conducted on appeal with some outfit that is highly skilled and really clever – Capita, say, or Mitie. Parking disputes tend to drag on so maybe if by the time your appeal is actually heard – say about nine months later – and your terminally ill relation is still living, well that should settle it. If the relation is indeed found to be deceased then perhaps the authorities could show their special empathy by being required to refund the parking charge with interest as a contribution to funeral expenses?
If there were any, it would make me want to get the bus.
In hoovering up Brexit Party votes the Tories have had their domestic, imaginative capacity completely consumed by ‘global’ fantasy.
In 2019 the Conservative vision extends simply to the bottom of their pothole.